Alive
by Sookie Marsters
Summary: Severus Snape survives the war but what does it matter?  A genfic rated for language and adult themes


**The following is probably more of a short character study then an actual story. It contains some language, mature themes, and one or two disturbing moments. That said I really like it and am very glad that I wrote this one. **

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><p>Severus groaned as the first piecing rays of sunlight slipped soundlessly between the curtains. Something smelt foul. His mouth felt and tasted like a badger's arse. He was pretty sure he'd pissed himself in the night before falling, still fully dressed onto his bed and sleeping on top of the covers.<p>

Another groan rumbled up from his chest and burned sourly against his throat and lips. He wasn't sure but he thought there might be a half empty bottle of firewhisky on the sink next to the toilet.

He crawled out backwards till his feet hit the floor and stumbled into the bathroom. His hands flew to his eyes and he cringed like a startled vampire when the sunlight hit him.

"Note, get dark curtain for bathroom window." His voice was barely recognizable. To his ears it sounded dry like the crumpled brown leaves on the grounds around his flat. "And there's no whisky."

If the taste of badger's arse wasn't so god-awful he might have just crawled right back into bed but as it were… he stumbled over the cold tiles that he was pretty sure used to be white and turned on the tap. A couple of mouthfuls of water, shaken, gargled and spat out improved things slightly.

"You look like shit, mate." Sirius Black's voice was one he hadn't heard in a long time for a very good reason. The arsehole was dead.

Severus blinked at his reflection in the mirror. He was pretty damn sure that he wasn't looking at Sirius Black, and he was even surer that the image hadn't spoken.

Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender. "No offence."

"None taken," Severus responded then splashed his face with cold water.

He looked back at his reflection and was more than a little disconcerted at the fact that Black was still grinning back at him. He looked sort of younger then the last time Severus had seen him, or maybe the guy had just had a shave.

"Tell me I haven't somehow managed to morph myself into you."

"Nah, I'm just visiting."

"Oh." Severus had no idea how to respond to that. He vaguely remembered the ritual of polite conversation from his mother's tea parties and since he couldn't quite focus on anything he asked, "So everything well… Where you are?"

Sirius shrugged and made a movement with his hand. "So-so. I'm dead, not a lot you can do after that." He looked at Severus more closely. "Unlike you."

"Unlike me, what?"

"You aren't dead, mate." Sirius said the words so easily but they hit Severus like a punch to the gut.

He sighed and looked around for the bottle; he knew he'd left it here somewhere. A good stiff one would end this conversation and he could sink back into oblivion.

"You were saved," Sirius went on, "by my godson in fact." He grinned proudly. "I knew that boy would do great things."

"Didn't everyone," Severus replied dryly then, "Ah." He found the bottle down next to the toilet bowl and yes it still had a little in the bottom.

"Do you know what Harry's doing right now?"

"No." Severus said the word proudly.

"He's studying to be an Auror, and playing Quidditch with the Cannons along with the loud friend of his…" He thought for a second. "Roger, Ryan, Ralph."

"Ronald," Severus supplied.

"That's the one. And that other one, you know the bossy girl with all the hair."

"Hermione."

"Yeah, you know what she's doing?"

Severus waved a hand to signal Sirius to just tell him.

"She's working on some amazing degree in something I can't even pronounce and I think she's working in that bookstore as well."

"What's your point?"

"My point is, mate, that the war is over." Sirius thought about that for a moment. "Well figuratively… I mean not all the Death Eaters were captured and then there's the whole good and evil argument I mean are any of us really capable of…"

"BLACK!" Severus' voice thundered around the bathroom walls. The sound actually sent a little thrill to his bones. It had been a while.

"Okay. Okay. Harry, Ron, and Hermione they're not scared of you anymore. You are no longer their teacher, mentor nor are you their tormentor."

Severus looked down at the bottle and back at Sirius.

"Dumbledore is dead. Voldermort is dead. It's over. You're not a spy for either side, you're neither a member of the Order or the Death Eaters. You're just a guy now." Sirius leaned forward and said the words slowly. "A free man."

And there it was. So simple. Severus had known it all along but hearing it, hearing the words was like nothing he could describe. His breath exhaled almost a sigh of relief. The chain around his throat was never seen by those around him, nor did anyone seem to care when he gasped for breath and dropped to his knees in pain.

He felt at his throat, of course there was nothing there. All the links were gone, dead or moved on. No-one was left to use it.

He backed away from the mirror. His head was abuzz with so many thoughts, ideas he daren't let bloom. All at once he felt claustrophobic. He needed to get out. Out into the sunlight. Out into the street.

"Oi!" Sirius called after him. "Where are you going? Don't you want to know what death is like?" He grinned mischievously. "Want to know the meaning of life?"

"No." The pleasing baritone of Severus' voice was the last sound to echo off the walls before the door slammed shut.

Outside the sun burned his face and the air filled his lungs.

Free Man.


End file.
